Thursday, April 15, 2010

Morality and Censorship

Let's talk a minute about morality, censorship, and the Brave Souls who constantly fight "The Good Fight" to keep our young-un's wholesome and on the path of Righteousness. I will do this by talking about a new video game!

Below are some screenshots taken from the game's website. Most of them come from the teaser movies on the site. Let's take a look at a girl who keeps popping up in these scenes.

Hell of an outfit, girl! She's rockin' some serious stripper boots, a very short skirt, a corset and a choker. Let's get a close-up:

Daaaaamn! Nice cleavage. Wanna see more? Of course you do!

Another shot of those sexy stripper boots:

This girl has some serious DSL:

If you don't know what "DSL" means, ask around! I learned the phrase from a drag queen about 10 years ago. Hint: The "L" stands for "Lips". ;)

And I've saved the best for last:

WOW. I'm not one for falling in love with video game characters (especially video game characters that look like they were made with Poser), but you gotta admit...that's pretty sexalicious.

Now I have a question for you: Would you let your pre-teen son play a game with this girl in it? How about your daughter? What would seeing this character do to your little girl's self-esteem?

Think about that a minute. Done? Good. Now let's talk about this game...

This is an all-ages, family-friendly video game called Heaven. That's right. Heaven!

In this game, you play a guy named Joshua. Joshua dies, but because he's a good boy, he goes to heaven. While in heaven, he meets this girl. She's his grandmother.


Here's a direct quote from the website:

Q: Is this Biblical?

A: YES! All the ideas came directly from the Bible.

Okay...I've read the Bible cover-to-cover three (almost four) times in my life, and I don't recall any passage that says your dear ol'Granny will spend eternity in Heaven as Angelic Stripper Barbie. Someone point it out to me. I must have missed it.

"Okay, Adam," you're asking, "what's your fucking point?" This is my fucking point:

I see a difference here, but I don't see that much difference.

Parents are gonna buy this game for their kids, too. Because it's wholesome and wonderful and full of religiousy goodness. The Moms who buy this for their kids are gonna be the same Moms who complain about Rated R moves, but take their kids to see Pirates of the Carribean so they can drool over Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom.

Hey, Mom! When you catch your son touching himself inappropriately while sitting in front of the computer, make sure he's looking at internet porn, and not Heaven: The Game before you beat his ass in the Name Of The Lord. ;)

Moral of the story: You're no better than I am. I'm just honest about what I like.


Ed H said...

dude, that *has* to be a parody, like Landover Baptist and stuff.

Electra said...

I bought this game. Even though the girl looks "interesting", she really is dwarfed by the rest of the game. The sets are just amazing, and the whole feel of the game is very cool and different. Never played a game like it. The screens you were showing go by so fast you don't really register it like your doing. The fit in perfect to the story and theme of the game.

Don't judge a book by it's cover (like I did). You'll miss out on so many good things in life.
My recommendation, play the game and then make your "preacher" comments.

Adam Black said...

Those screenshots were indeed from very split-second scenes. Nearly all of them, as a matter of fact.

Why would they do that, though? Why sell a game about Heaven partly through split-second T&A?

And why dress the girl up like that in the first place? Does Heaven require that much cleavage to sell copies of the game?

My point stands, I'm afraid.